Anniversary

We celebrated our first anniversary this past weekend.  I was worried that it would be a really depressing day.  Reflecting on our first year of marriage conjures thoughts of deception, dishonesty, and sin--not exactly great reasons to celebrate.  The day had some very difficult moments as I thought about how much fear I have that my husband will just hurt me again.  I tried so hard to be optimistic and positive, but I ended up succumbing to my sadness a few different times during the day.  I ended up crying a good amount that night and wishing I wasn't left with such a void of trust in my marriage.  

At the same time, I still felt inklings of hope that my marriage can be saved and that there was reason to celebrate our anniversary.  In the last few months, my husband and I have learned a lot about one another and shared so much.  Because we have been so focused on being vigilantly honest, the transparency we share with one another has created a new and meaningful intimacy between us.  My husband promises me that our first year of marriage will be our worst.  As depressing as it is has been to have such a rocky newlywed year, I'm grateful we're moving forward and making progress.  If we face these challenges together now, I know we can establish a healthy precedent for coping with the future obstacles that life will inevitably bring us.  I do feel that my husband loves me and even though my pain is still great, I do feel some happiness again with him.