Patience

Well, its been a little over five months since "Black Sunday"--I stole that phrase from a chat with my dad one day.  I'm really learning patience because I feel like five months is a long time, but within the context of overcoming addiction and healing a marriage, its only a small moment.  I haven't written for awhile because there hasn't been the same degree of momentous events, terrible discoveries, and agonizing days that there was when I initially found out about my husband's sexual addiction.  Some days I feel like we are back to normal life.  However, I realize that even though nothing is necessarily new, I should probably still record my thoughts, feelings, and any progress that I see being made.  

Its been really hard not to be down lately, despite a lot of progress.  My husband was recently given his temple recommend again and we were able to attend the sealing of one of my best friends and also his sister's sealing.  It was very nice to be in the temple with him again.  It sure beats being there alone.  However, I guess my joy was somewhat fleeting because I only feared that it will soon come a day where I will just be alone again.  It is really hard to feel joy to the same extent as before.  When trust is gone, it is difficult to love.  I wonder if I will ever love my husband like I used to.

Not to be ungrateful, I do see enormous progress and our relationship has been strengthened in some ways over the last five months.  I feel very close to my husband again at certain times.  I know if we both continue to work on our individual recovery, we can continue to see progress.