A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law invited each of the women in our families to reflect on our lives and share our own messages of finding hope during a difficult time. I thought I would share my own reflection of hope.
About a year ago, I discovered my husband's sexual addiction. With this discovery, I became aware of a myriad of deception and lies in our every-day life together. Because this is a story of hope, I won't focus on the devastation and impact this has had on me personally, but it is sufficient to say that the bonds of trust we had worked to create in our relationship were quickly destroyed. Where love once was, there was only hurt and despair. A relationship that was once my greatest joy became my greatest pain.
Through a process of sincere prayer, I felt guided to stay in my marriage. Although I cannot control my husband's addiction, or predict the future, I have learned the power of hope through my personal healing process. During the last year, I re-committed to being more diligent in meaningful personal prayer and scripture study on a daily basis. Although I am not perfect in these habits, I always feel uplifted as I strive to strengthen my relationship with the Lord.
For a few months of the last year, my anger and sorrow overwhelmed me and eclipsed my personal testimony and dedication to the Gospel. I am grateful for a good friend who gently reminded me where to find peace. As I let go of resentment, I now recognize that it was a tender mercy that I found out about this problem in my marriage. After becoming aware of this problem, we have been able to work together to combat this devastating influence in our lives. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband—for his humility, his dedication to his recovery, and for his love and patience with me and my own weaknesses.
I have also found an increased hope as I have reached out to other women in similar situations. Because many of us have been hurt by inappropriate use of the internet, I decided to use the internet in a healthy way to help other loved ones of pornography addicts connect and support one another. I started an anonymous blog online to journal my feelings and help others in the situation realize that they are not alone. I know that many of us struggle to find support while still respecting the privacy of our dear husbands. Through this medium, I have been grateful to connect with and personally e-mail other women on a daily basis. Each of their examples has inspired me to have more faith, do more good, and be more compassionate.
I thank my Heavenly Father for the progress I see in my marriage, the strength He gives me individually to face each day, and the friends and family who support me when I simply cannot go on alone any longer. As always, the ultimate source of my hope comes from my Savior, Jesus Christ. Our growth and experience this past year has been a great reminder that “whatever Jesus lays his hands upon lives. If Jesus lays his hands upon a marriage, it lives. If he is allowed to lay his hands on the family, it lives.” Through the Atonement, I know that we can find hope, comfort, and peace despite the difficulties that this mortal experience will bring. The Atonement knows no limits—it can ease the sting of death, liberate the captive from sin, and can certainly heal marriages and family relationships. I am so grateful for my knowledge of the gospel and the hope it brings.
