Internet Filters

I recently had a reader write me a question about internet filters. She asked if I knew anything about internet filters, if I used one, and if I recommended using them. I thought my response might be helpful to others, so I think I'll just go ahead and post an excerpt of my e-mail back to her.

"...I think internet filters can be an important step in keeping your marriage and family safe from the harm of pornography. They are a great external barrier from inappropriate material. With that said, filters can only do so much. Often, even with a very good filter, someone seeking inappropriate material can still access it. There are several ways to get around even the best filters.

Thus, a filter should be used as PART of a defense system against pornography use, but cannot be the ONLY part of it. When we saw a counselor at LDS Family Services, she distinguished between external vs. internal barriers. External barriers to pornography are things like a filter, keeping the computer in a public place, not using the computer when alone, etc. Internal barriers are things that motivate someone to abstain from pornography, like going to counseling, participating in a 12 Step Group, reading the scriptures, working with a bishop, etc. In the long run, if someone addicted to pornography is going to improve, they have to have internal barriers in place- because they can always find a way to get around the external ones.

In short, true abstinence from pornography must stem from a real desire to change, not just the presence of a filter.

I do recommend using a filter on your computer, but you can't rely on it to mend the problem alone. Having a filter in place helps to give an addict, or someone trying to view pornography, a barrier. If they try to access pornography in a moment of weakness and the filter stops them, it gives them a minute to think "do I really want to do this?" However, if they really want to get to the material, often a filter isn't going to stop them."

I hope this makes sense to everyone. Feel free to send me your questions about filters and I can even make some recommendations if you would like. Also, feel free to e-mail me with suggestions of external or internal barriers that have helped your loved ones abstain from pornography. I'm sorry for the many aching hearts out there and hope we can continue to help one another.