I know that this family member wants what is best for my husband. Call me arrogant, conceited, or whatever you want, but I realize that what is best for my husband is me. He simply won't find anyone more loving and devoted. I realize that he will be so much more capable of overcoming his addiction if I am by his side. With that said, I hope with all my heart that this family member was not trying to manipulate me when he told me I had a choice to make and basically asserted that I should count myself lucky if this is my only problem. He told me a "family motto" was that "life is a whole lot of hell with a few happy/heavenly moments." He also reminded me that there are a lot of men who appear to be good on Sunday, but do not treat their wives with love and respect. I understand the perspective that he was trying to give me, but I simply won't downplay the seriousness of my husband's behavior.
I can't say I agree with that "family motto." I realize that life is difficult. I am not so naive to think that life is easy and always happy. I have had real disappointments and struggles in my own life. I was also very close to my great-grandparents. The legacy they left was one that evidenced strength amidst a great deal of sorrow and suffering. I understand that opposition is an essential part of mortal life. But I don't agree that life is simply "a whole lot of hell with a few good moments." In my experience, "it is in our extremities" that we come to know God. Thus, even in our most difficult hour, our life can be a piece of heaven if we are living righteously. Life is such a wonderful blessing. Life is for our benefit and for our good. I am not trying to be defensive or disrespectful in any way; I just don't agree with that thinking. I DO agree that life is hard. In fact, that is part of my frustration. Life is hard enough--your spouse should not be your trial! Your spouse should be your advocate and your support during problems and difficult times, not the cause of your difficulties and the source of your pain.
There are two sources of trials in our lives. Sometimes our Heavenly Father deems it wise for us to go through certain trials that will bring us strength and cause us to grow. Trials also come because Heavenly Father respects agency and will not remove the consequences of poor decisions and sinful behavior. There is a huge difference between trials given to us by a loving Heavenly Father who knows us best and those that are brought on because of our own or another person's sinful behavior. Although I am confident that I will still grow to be a stronger and more faithful person through this, this trial is not a natural trial brought from life circumstances; instead, my current trial is because my husband chose to sin and disregard the covenants that he has made.
Anger has been a natural byproduct of this situation for me, but I pray to Heavenly Father daily to help me let go of my anger promptly. I know that holding on to anger will only hurt me. I know that my healthy expression of anger is a part of a thorough healing process and I am glad I won't hide it passively. I know that expressing my feelings is an important element of helping me truly forgive my husband.
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